Burning Sunset
by volleyballwb9
Summary: Bella wasn't the first person to change Edward's life. A series of vingettes from Edward's POV after Carlisle turns him, from his experiences as a newborn, to the addition of his "siblings". R
1. Burning Sunset

Disclaimer: I own none of the twilight characters or anything else.

I know the name is cheesy my friend Ashley came up with it.

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The heat was excruciating as it radiated from my neck. My already fevered body was set afire with the intensity of the pain. Every inch of my being protested against the torture that raced through me.

I had thought myself mad when the golden haired man stole me from the hospital. If not for him I'd still have been in the morgue. Somehow he saved my life. I might have believed myself dead if the delusions hadn't taken over. All I could remember before the pain was being carried away by this angel. Only my savior had thrown me into the depths of hell instead.

I clenched my eyes shut. My face contorted into a mask of pain. A whimper escaped my lips and the agony made me squirm away from myself. Every movement I made intensified the heat and yet stillness proved no better.

The blood in my ears thundered; every beat spread the poisonous pain further throughout my body. Liquid fire raced through my veins to consume everything it touched. Air rushed in and out of my lungs in shallow rapid bursts. I felt like I was drowning in the torturous agony. Waves of slowly intensifying heat crashed over my limbs. In the haze I opened my eyes to see the keeper of my hell, but I only saw the angel's face. It was too beautiful to be human, too beautiful to be real. Sympathy flooded his crystal face.

The devil appears in many forms but none to match the guise of this man. My gaze stopped on his blood stained eyes. The deep red irises were the only portal to his true identity. They were the only thing about him that wasn't perfect. But they were perfect; in a savage and evil way they suited him. If I stared into them for too long they shifted colors. Golden butterscotch materialized like a mirage before disappearing in the pool of red.

I slowed my erratic movements to ponder his face. If I thought too much about the pain it would only kill me quicker and the man might be able to save me. I shivered though I was anything but cold. My body twitched in accordance with the pain. My breathing hitched frequently between the rapid rise and fall of my chest.

Right now he was my distraction. The pain wouldn't disappear but studying him made it easier to endure. Gazing into those eyes I felt that he knew this pain as well. He had suffered this torture long ago. He was both the source of my anguish as well as my salvation.

A flare in the heat broke my concentration. I couldn't fight the spasm that shot through my body. I curled around myself to stop the agony ravaging me but it only strengthened. Resistance was impossible.

My eyes became unfocused. The divine man turned into a blur of fantastic colors in the lens of my tears. Unconsciousness fought to take me – and I would gladly have let it – but my eyes merely rolled back before attempting to refocus on the man before me. After a few violent jolts my body found a rhythm in the pain. The torture increased at a steady rate for what seemed like years.

A weak scream leaked from my lips after a particularly violent flare poured over my limbs. Before this I had managed to keep quiet while the pain controlled me. My vision returned to the blurry haze I was now accustomed to. Clarity came to me only in mindless flashes of reality. I saw the man stand; worry crossed his face. The emotion softened his eyes causing them to smolder like burning red embers. His movements were cautious but graceful and fluid. A gentle hand rested itself on my forehead. The pain shied away from the contact of his icy fingers.

My mind expanded to contain thought again. The pain had consumed my mind for the longest time. Questions flooded the empty space it left behind. How long had I lain there at the mercy of the fire? Was I even alive? What of my mother? Was she suffering as I was? What was happening to me? One trembling word resonated in my mind. _Live_. Spoken in an unknown voice I couldn't get it out of my head. The pain had made me insane; I was hearing voices.

I couldn't focus on my sanity so I directed my attention elsewhere. The pain had lessened and my body was only shaking. I calmed my breathing and closed my eyes. I needed to speak with the man but I had no idea what to say. My throat felt raw with the heat. There was no way to ask all the questions that held my thoughts. Unconsciously I groaned at my indecision. Even this scratched at my throat. Angered with myself I opened my eyes to see his face. It was oddly clear in the surrounding haze. Again I was caught by his eyes. Forcing the word – no the name – from my lips, I spoke. "Carlisle."

The hand disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place. I was falling, plummeting into the depths of heat and pain. My vision momentarily blacked out. The face was gone and my thoughts failed half formed. My back arched under the new waves of heat that burned through my body. A new pressure seized at my chest and shook my limbs.

Fire tortured every inch of my being as a feral scream tore through my throat. The agony was ten fold what it was before his hand had pushed it back. My lungs blazed as I tried to breathe in. I laid there gasping like a fish out of water. Beyond the pain I could feel his curiosity but also his fear. Still blind I tried to find his hand again. I raised my shaking hand but could achieve no more then a few inches above the bed. I had no energy to move except in response to the pain.

I managed to pull my hand off the bed again but only barely. Something cold slipped into it with ease. His hand gripped mine tightly and again fought off the pain. The heat shrank slightly back, freeing my mind a little. I blinked away the black that devoured the world.

I refused to speak for fear of scaring him away. I couldn't even remember what I had said to him in the first place. His cool touch was a drug for the pain. I was sure that if I gave it up again it would mean death. My grip tightened on his hand fearing the loss of its protection. I should have crushed it with the force but it felt like marble under my fingers. I stilled my body again. Only small shivers rushed down my limbs.

I turned my gaze on the golden haired man again. His face jumped out at me in the drab room. I noticed that his white skin was slightly less flawless but no less brilliant. His hair wasn't the perfect shining gold that I remembered but each strand had its own unique shade. But his eyes were still molten fire. The shade remained that bright red gold that warned of malice but offered concern. It was the one feature that I remembered perfectly.

A bronze haired boy drifted into view. Sweat soaked locks hung across his forehead and his cheeks were hollow with disease. The emerald eyes blazed with life much like a candle's flame flares before it is finally extinguished. They weren't focused on anything when surprise crossed his features. The emotion entered my mind. His face reminded me of myself, only he was no longer alive.

Before I could identify our differences, a knife of pain drove itself into my chest. The boy's face contorted in agony before disappearing all together. The heat attempted to over whelm my heart but the last living thing in me raged on. I felt my lungs crumble in my chest, melted in the heat. The agony doubled and it seemed my drug was wearing off.

It took me awhile to notice that the pain had disappeared from my finger tips and toes. I was oddly unaware of them until cold sensation manifested. The pain was leaking up my arms and legs to strangle my heart. Painless sensitivity remained in place of the heat. I didn't move my limbs but fought the torture welling up in my chest. It was gathering around my heart. Gasps racked my body but air would not enter my lungs, yet my heart raged on. The only thing holding me down now was the hand resting in mine. The ice cold disappeared and his hand was much warmer on my skin.

My mind was free form the assault of the pain. It still attacked my heart; that over active useless organ. Give up, I thought. End this now. Just STOP!

Everything ceased. Silence held the room. Fractions of a second passed but I knew my heart would never beat again. Every sense of pain shut itself off from me and I was deathly still. Was this death then?

I sat up and looked at Carlisle. The movement was like his movements, graceful, flawless. The image of the boy crossed my mind again with sudden clarity. His bronze hair stuck out in all directions and shined with sweat. Now equaling Carlisle's, his skin was pale and brilliant.

But his eyes! Blood red fury had replaced the liquid green.

Damn! I was hungry.


	2. First Hunt

A feral instinct took over. The hunger consumed me from within, begging to be satisfied. The green world was intensified all around me, shifting perfectly before my eyes with every movement I made.

The gentle doe danced across the field to settle amongst her peers. The blood smelled all right and the thumping of her innocent heart drew me in. I maintained control unlike many hunts before this one.

I held back a snarl so I wouldn't startle my meal. For some reason her head rose and those black eyes caught mine. An eerie red-gold reflection glowed in the endless black. Before she could blink I had her in my grip. The other deer scattered in terror, abandoning the doe to whine and squirm under my fingers.

Finally a chance to sate my hunger. My teeth ripped open the deer's tender throat and drank deeply from the soft flesh. The taste and sensation had a quenching effect. The blood was bland but good.

The deer fell to the grass at my feet, her dead black eyes reflecting the world. No creature made a sound for fear that I would hear it. Their instinct told them there was an unnatural predator lurking amongst the homes. Only my slow intake of breath resounded across the clearing. It was a habit to breath; the naturalness of it was comforting. The calming effects of the fluid flow of air in and out of my lungs cleansed my mind. All traces of instinct and the feral mind fled from me when the doe's heart had stopped. Only the ache of the hunger remained.

I turned to Carlisle. His breathing was in time with mine. We seemed to fall in sync with many things. It may have been because I could read his mind or maybe we were just so tuned to each other that resemblances resulted. We only had each other's company since he turned me. At first neither of us knew what I could do. Carlisle put it together after awhile though. I started answering unasked questions without knowing that they weren't actually spoken. It isn't that I wanted to listen but his thoughts were always there, ever present from the first moment.

"Yes, Carlisle, I'm in control of myself," I muttered. I hated his overbearing parental questions, and yet I knew they were absolutely necessary. If I couldn't deal with myself around animals I would never assimilate with humans, never reenter the world of the living.

He glanced down at my shirt and smiled. I didn't need to read his mind to read the look on his face. A hollow smile spread across his lips, a combination of humor and sorrow. He didn't regret changing me for I was the companion he needed but he still hated stealing my life. No matter how much I pried he wouldn't think about the turning or how he knew of me before all of this. All I remembered of the event was the intense pain that marked the beginning of my new existence. Before that my blurry human memories, distorted further with my sickness, were all I had to provide me clues. The last weeks of my human life were of little use because my body was so entrenched in the fever that consciousness was often impossible.

I glanced down. Blood was smeared on my white shirt. _You're a messy eater_, Carlisle thought. A rich laugh rocked the forest.

"Funny Carlisle, hilarious," I chuckled. I pulled the bloody garment off and wiped the blood from my face and chest. Rainbows sparkled off my exposed skin as the setting sun peaked through the foliage.

"We have to get back to the house soon," Carlisle reminded me. I had almost forgotten that he was planning to return to work tonight.

"I know," I whispered, confident he could hear me. I didn't want to be alone but it would have to happen sometime. Still this existence was startling even after the initial rush.

"They need my help Edward; I can't leave them to die when I might save them. You will do fine on your own for the night," Carlisle replied.

"I know." His mind was too sincere and caring for me to act so selfishly. It would do no good to argue when Carlisle wanted this so much. It was his chance to pay the world back for taking me for it. He thought about it as his salvation for the damnable deed he had committed. I had to brighten his mood. "I'll race you home."

"And how is that a fair fight," Carlisle teased before taking off toward home. I gave him a few seconds to gain some ground lest my newborn strength make the contest too easy. When I could no longer hear his every thought I began my sprint through the trees.

Everything danced around me as my feet rushed soundlessly over the ground. Not a blade of grass was stirred by my steps and yet the leaves shuddered at the wind produced by my passage. My breath remained steady, something that still awed me. _I should be panting and sweating, shuddering and ready to collapse and yet… this feels so right._

Absorbed in the ecstasy of the effortless run I expanded my senses. The abandon forest would be the best experiment to test my heightened abilities. I listened to the ants marching to their queen with ten times their weight pressing upon their backs. I tasted the moisture of the air due to the recent rains that still clung to the trees. I saw flickers of tails and curious noses wondering at the predator blazing by their dwellings. I smelt…

I smelt a sweet aroma. Pure music to my mind, this smell called to me with the sweetest voice. It promised me the savory flavor my new life had been lacking. It sent visions of a beautiful young woman lying on the grass; an echoing laugh breeched her lips.

Carlisle appeared before me the instant I realized what called to me. He tried to distract me from my trance. "Edward, you are strong…stronger than the thirst…overcome the feral beast. Please Edward, you must come with me…race me home…I'll not go to the hospital tonight…just don't…do not follow her scent." His pleadings caught my attention.

Horror grasped my mind while instinct grasped my body. I tensed into a crouch but made no move to pursue the path to the human. I meant to say something but my jaw was clenched in an unyielding snarl.

"No Edward. Come back with me this instant…we'll go to the house. You and I will never have to remember this day's events."

"I fear that I may want to remember this day more than most I have already experienced. Is this what you have kept from me Carlisle? This magnificent drink! It will quench my thirst I know this somehow. My feral instinct reminds me of the beast I restrain." I turned my head to the path I longed to take. Every ounce of me leaned toward the meal.

"You are not a monster!" Carlisle's exclamation came with such force form both his voice and his mind that I nearly stood from my crouch.

"But… Maybe I am."

Silence followed as Carlisle's thoughts halted and conformed around my statement. _Monster, not Edward…Me! I'm the monster. Not Edward! Not my son!_

By the time he looked up I had taken off in the path of the human girl. His mind faltered with indecision and self hatred, but he soon sped off after me. He was determined to save the girl from me, but it wasn't me he saw but himself killing her. Always Carlisle forced the burden on himself rather than on anyone else.

The light of the clearing was growing before me and the thoughts of the girl overbearing the familiar thoughts of Carlisle behind me. Her scent exploded around me when I entered the clearing. The full force was like nothing I had ever imagined; whereas before I only smelled the drifting odor, her passage intoxicated the air with her essence.

_Elizabeth!_ Such a lovely name. It was her eighteenth birthday. We shared a birth year, how interesting. If I were human I might have taken a more gentlemanly approach for a first meeting but now I intended this meeting to be our last.

She didn't notice my entrance and I relished in her ignorance of the danger. I walked the distance across the clearing with silent steps, a ghost in the twilight that held the clearing. Her back was turned to me. A sheet of auburn locks flowed to her waist in gentle curls. I didn't want to ask what she was doing alone in the woods on her birthday. I didn't want to know her at all. If I knew her then her death might mean something to me.

Carlisle entered the clearing. His thoughts brazenly attacked my mind. _Edward! Stop now. You will regret this. Please fight what your instinct tells you._ Following this a rush of images confronted me. Carlisle's memories; they echoed his self restraint and power of conscience. His first years as a newborn so long ago were filled with the longing to feed but he did not. _Please._

"I'm not as strong as you, Carlisle. You know as well as I do that eventually this would happen. You kept this from me." My control snapped at the last sentence. I said it loud enough that the words stirred my meal across the meadow.

"I – " _I –_ "Edward, I'm sorry for stealing you away from humanity," the sorrow in his eyes and thoughts were touching.

I was suddenly sorry for hurting him more than necessary in this ordeal. "You are not to blame for this Carlisle. It is only my burden. I am the monster not you." I turned and proceeded forth across the clearing.

The force of his blow drove me to the ground but he was only able to hold me there momentarily. "GO!! Go now!!" He shouted at the girl's stunned face to no avail. Shock held her frozen to her spot waiting for me to take her.

I twisted beneath Carlisle and clawed at his face. He moved away in time for my nails to pass by his flesh. The movement however exposed him to my fury. I never wanted to hurt him, I just let instinct take over. I knew I had to do everything I could to keep my meal. Flashing fists and nails at his chest, I stood and drove Carlisle back across the meadow. The audible crack of bones beneath my knuckles defined the force of my blows. Blood seeped through the cuts I ripped at with my finger nails. He hit the tree with such force that the old pine cracked and threatened to fall.

I turned back to the clearing and sprinted to the girl. By the time Carlisle raced after me I had Elizabeth in my arms. She was warm against my bare chest. Her heat flooded my lungs with the scent of her hair. I traced her jaw line with one bloody finger as Carlisle resumed his pleading. Part of me wanted to let her go; I was not a complete monster, at least I didn't want to be. The beast within me beat back that sympathetic part until I struggled no more.

I set my lips on the soft flesh of her artery first gently and then more violently. The jump in her pulse made me chuckle and the blue-purple bruise flushed my senses with a heightened awareness of only her. Carlisle, the forest, everything disappeared in this intimate moment. A shiver ran down her back when I whispered "Be perfectly still." Her mind eased under my influence. To her I was beautiful and terrifying. My breath captivated her and my voice infiltrated her like a toxin.

Elizabeth had me transfixed and I her. I closed my eyes and counted the beats as she slowly relaxed in my arms. They came less frequent but with more force. Her head lulled away form me as if calling my attention to the delicate skin. I bared my teeth and rested them against her skin. Only a shiver raced down her body and yet her pulse remained in its calm interval.

My teeth pierced her flesh but I delicately drew my first taste. The savory liquid left a delightful sensation as it slid down my throat. At first it was tainted by the taste of my own venom but removed my teeth from her flesh to better sever the artery, eager for the sweet nectar to sate my thirst and warm my body.

As my lips pulled away I realized her pain. The small cut I had made screamed in her mind and yet she moved not an inch. I hesitated to cause her pain again. Her mind meddled with my sympathies but not long enough to stop feeding.

My hesitation wasn't long by any means. But it was long enough for Carlisle to attack. He threw himself at me with both his body and his mind. Somehow he separated Elizabeth from my hold and drove me through the forest with his shoulder in my chest. My mind was assaulted with images. My mother sitting by my bed, her fever worse then mine, all through the night; she never left my side, every day my health declined she wept for the inevitable loss of her son. The memories revealed her ultimate devotion to saving her son when, with pained thoughts, Carlisle remembered the night of my mother's death. Her last plea and his fulfillment of her final request echoed in my mind. So much did those words strike a cord that even though Carlisle continued with his memories of the turning and the endless pain, my mind repeated those words over and over.

_Save him! Save my son!_

I closed my eyes, unable to think about anything; the world around me dissolved into those five words. _Save him! Save my son! SAVE HIM!_

We ended up at our house. If tears were possible I would have been weeping. "Carlisle" I whispered. He would never forgive me. I had failed him. I had killed every hope of him ever loving me again. His anguished face stared at me through my memory. "I'm so sorry, so sorry."

His comforting hand clasped my shoulder. "Son…Son." I looked up into his caramel eyes. "I forgive you. Think not of it Son."

His kindness was boundless. To accept me back from such an act he thought as horrid…it was unimaginable. I glanced away, ashamed.

He lifted my chin and repeated "I forgive you, now you must forgive yourself." I looked back into his eyes but saw only the iridescent red of my own. The honey tint was erased completely and the monster seemed to make the red glow with a mix of content and redoubled need.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Edward."

"What of Elizabeth?"

His mind jumped to my mother. _Save him! Save my son!_ "Who?"

"The girl… Her name was Elizabeth."

"Ah… she will be fine." His mind betrayed his calmness. _Her blood smelled clean. Not enough was taken to cause permanent damage. It smelled clean. It was the opportune moment to strike with the least harm to either of them. It smelled clean._

I pretended I didn't hear his mind wandering always back to her safety. He stared at me until he felt sure I would be fine. Then he pulled off his sweater and collared shirt to examine the wounds to his chest. Purple colored his chest in small fist sized blotches. I counted the ribs on each side noticing three of them to be out of place. The slashes from my nails were already healing into fine pale scars. They disappeared in the right light but I caught their glimmer whenever Carlisle turned. Horror filled me as I saw the pain I caused my Father. I let out an anguished gasp.

"Edward, I'm fine. They don't even hurt" _anymore_. A soft crack resounded as all three ribs healed into their original places. "The bruises won't last long either."

_But the scars will last forever, and the memories for even longer. _I nodded and clasped my head between my hands. My feral instincts and newborn rage should have been fading and yet I felt the monster rebel against my abstinence. I wanted human blood and only Carlisle stood in the way. I would hold on to this life as long as I could for the love of Carlisle.

_Save him! Save my son!_


	3. Fortunate Fall

I don't own any of the characters but I wish I did. Edward's pov is fun to write.

Well this chapter is dedicated to Liz and Darien. Thanks for pushing me to update sooner.

Next time, Darien, don't jump on me. Lol. Just kidding.

Alright enjoy the story… and please please, please, review. I love hearing everyone's thoughts.

And thank you to those who do review they brighten my day!! :-)

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His frantic thoughts crashed through the endearing melody. Panic resonated in his few thoughts but the emotion was conveyed none the less. A false key broke the flowing music with an eerie twang as I jumped up to meet him at the door. I reached out across the distance with my mind to learn what caused this frantic panic. When our minds touched I felt his thirst fill my head. A ravenous hunger grew in my throat as I smelled a searing and sweet aroma. It wasn't my own senses bringing this in but Carlisle's. What was happening to him?

I threw open the front door of our secluded little cottage. Sprinting across the acre that composed our front lawn was a disheveled Carlisle carrying a bundle of blankets. Feet dangled out of one end; they were petite and broken. I tracked a single drop of blood as it fell to the grass below like an innocent rain drop. Oh it smelled so sweet. His graceful gait remained unaffected by his small burden and yet the pain on his face was unequaled in my few years with him. Agony set fire to his eyes as he tried not to look down at the pile of blankets.

A torturous wind, most inopportune in timing, blew in my face. The blood ignited in me that feral beast. Immediately I stopped breathing but the air in my lungs tasted of the sweet human aroma. Nothing extraordinary yet still tantalizing as always. What Carlisle was doing, I had no idea, but his mind was frenzied as never before. Again the sweet scent filled my nose, intoxicating.

I tried to stop my breathing but it wasn't working. As they approached her scent seemed only to gain allure to me. Only as Carlisle approached with his immense speed did I realize that my breathing had stopped. No air entered my lungs and yet this scent continued to flow through my senses. I spotted Carlisle's chest rising and falling in slow rhythm against the small bundle in his arms.

My control was greatly improved since the last mishap. _Elizabeth!_ Remembering her was becoming increasingly difficult. Her scent and taste reminded me of what I couldn't have and also of the horrible thing I could be. I physically shook the thoughts from my head and closed my eyes. My attention turned to the bundle of blankets.

Her mind was quiet and sheltered in unconsciousness. Flickering images darted across her memory; a baby, the edge of a cliff, the ground below. Overwhelming sorrow filled her mind as she dove into the abyss of insured death. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine at her will to die, to end her life and forever be no more.

I looked up seconds later to see Carlisle nearly to the house. _Move Edward Please!_ It amazed me that he still tried to be courteous in such a state of alarm. The monster in me lashed out at the closeness of the blood. I had to make Carlisle stop. His sharp breaths resonated in his mind for me to hear and _feel_. The smell was even more overwhelming as he pulled in deep calming breaths. They burned his throat as well as mine.

He took her into the unused bedroom and laid her down on the unused bed. It was there for appearance only. We both heard her shallow heart beats. The gentle thumping reminded me of a metronome ticking slowly side to side. I wondered how she could have survived the fall or Carlisle carrying her here. The tender pulsing of the blood through her veins pained me slightly. The echoing beats that drifted throughout the frail body nearly hypnotized me into letting the beast out. I was so close to letting go. I gripped the door frame to keep myself in place. I wouldn't disappoint Carlisle again.

A crack issued from the beam of the frame as my hand pushed it beyond its limits. My fingers sank into the wood. Carlisle spun to face me in a graceful but ferocious movement. _Edward!_ It was a fierce warning. He feared I would lose control again. His mind screamed at him to get rid of me, to make me leave. I had improved so much over the years since Elizabeth but his instinct reminded him of my youth.

"Edward, control your self," he advised.

The air in my lungs would only allow me to speak a few quick words. I stared at him for a moment. "Stop breathing, I can't take the smell," I rambled. Then I tapped my head to remind him that I could hear his mind and experience his feelings.

The confusion on his face told me that, in his panic, he didn't remember my ability. I felt his recognition like a slap to the face. He was so absorbed in _her_, that frail _human_. What was she to him that I became obsolete? _No, I'll not be jealous if Carlisle wishes to create another_. I quickly stifled the fumes rising in my mind. Carlisle was doing what he felt was right. I didn't have the right to argue with his choices.

He nodded and stilled his chest. The rush died as her fragrance faded from Carlisle's senses. Only the memory was left to burn us both.

I hated not breathing, my empty lungs felt awkward. It wasn't pain just uncomfortable sensation. Ignoring the itch in my chest I looked closer at the object of the commotion.

Her entire body was broken and bruised. She seemed far too limp for any of her bones to still be in one piece. Blood seeped from hundreds of cuts in time with her gently pounding heart. It called to me but only by sight and sound; the same temptations of any animal I had come across in my few years. I could deal with these.

I crouched but I didn't tense. Carlisle glanced back when the door frame creaked again. The protective nature of his face and mind was a startling contrast to his usual expression but he soon decided I was no threat to the human girl on the bed.

_Edward… Leave…. You won't be able to handle this appropriately_, he thought. There was concern in his thoughts but not for me. The edge on his voice stung. By appropriately he meant I would lose my hard fought for control again, like with Elizabeth. I was better than that now. He should know that.

I turned to leave. A rush of air into my lungs burned but it was mild compared to Carlisle's breath. "Be quick Carlisle." I knew the suffering that went with the change and I was looking forward to the time when she would be whole and like us. I didn't want to hear her misery for three days. I didn't envy her position.

_I will Son, now go_. Really concern for me entered his thoughts as he realized his neglect of me but it was muffled quickly by thoughts of her. I couldn't understand what he was thinking. His feelings were muddled and confusing.

I nodded and left. A took a deep breath to keep back my hatred of the human. She stole his affection. He was my father first. There was a staggering stab of heat in my chest as Carlisle took a deep breath. "I'll make it quick… I promise," he whispered. His patient was unresponsive to his comforting.

Her mind was hollow except for the images. I felt myself falling off the cliff with her as it played in her memory over and over again. I nearly lost myself in her recollections, unable to tell the difference between her and me. I was pulled in by the undertow, released only for quick moments of awareness in my self.

Suddenly, I was wrenched from her pain. Again the heat hit my senses as Carlisle took another steadying breath. If I could have fainted I would have fallen over walking out of the room.

Falling to my death… The bleeding girl before me… The spacious living room was no longer in front of me for more than a second. My vision jumped between Carlisle's sight and the dying girl's final memories.

Sudden movement and I gripped a chair to keep back a sense of lightheadedness. I had never experienced anything like it. _We _were not supposed to fell any unsteadiness. Carlisle was moving closer to the woman. I was standing still and yet moving in the same instance.

Falling… Never hitting the ground… Endless falling…

Thumping… Pulsing… Beating…

So close to the ground… So close to the end… It would all be over soon…

An intake of breath… Burning lungs… Withering control submitting to feral nature…

I gasped as Carlisle took the bite. The flavor brought venom to my mouth. The blood flooded my throat even as air flooded my lungs. I gasped to make sure I wasn't the one who attacked the broken woman.

I sank to my knees to keep from returning to the bedroom and taking my share of the frail human. I latched onto the chair and gripped it will all my might. I felt like a drunk, thirsty human. The blood seemed to be filling me with power as it was supposed to do and yet I felt it only in my mind, or rather Carlisle's. At the same time I felt the blood flowing from my veins in an unsettling vertigo yet my body remained whole. Trapped in an endless circle of being filled and empty at the same time tormented my mind.

My throat itched. Unconsciously I lifted my hand to the smooth, flawless skin of my neck. The itch began to move along my veins, and permeate my flesh.

Carlisle's ecstasy and the falling sensation alternated with increasing speed until they became one sensation.

Her eyes shot open and took in her surroundings. The immense pain of her wounds bearing on her mind, she didn't realize what was happening.

Still falling… I hit the ground and an explosion of pain coursed through my body, but it wasn't mine, any of it. I felt it but my body didn't react. I had fallen so far but I was unharmed.

I felt her every injury with her. Broken bones, bruises, cuts, bleeding holes in her body seeping the life from her. Lastly she saw Carlisle above her. Something new accosted her frail form.

Fiery pain shook her limbs as it poured into her extremities flowing from her neck. Panic quickened her once dying heart but that only aided the venom's distribution into her system. It spread quickly, gaining flesh with every pulse.

She was so close to death. I felt her slipping off. Soon there would be nothing to carry the venom and she would cease to live. A sudden fear of death gripped her. This sensation was not present when she threw herself from the cliff. Now she wanted to live.

I tried to read Carlisle. I knew his intention was to turn her. In a way, I felt his need for her to live. A battle waged within him. He had never tasted anything so rich and satisfying; stopping would appear impossible. The other immovable force was Carlisle's good nature, his compassion, his heart. He would rather give up her blood than lose her forever. Carlisle pulled himself away with tremendous effort. I felt her taste coating my throat, my mind begged for more. _How did he stop?_ He moved away from her quickly to the far side of the room. He knew a temptation I was sure I would never feel and yet he fought with all his will to be good.

There was no filter for the influx of sensory information. My mind was battered with the thoughts and surroundings of Carlisle and the human. I made my way to the front door of the cottage but couldn't bring myself to leave. The intense emotions from Carlisle and the woman overrode my own with ease. I slid to the floor with my back against the wood.

The pain was strange. I knew it wasn't physical or even mine but their minds pulled me into it.

Carlisle took her hand. _Live…live…live…_he thought. The fire in her palm tormented him in many ways. He hoped to help her through his cool touch like he did for me. She felt the chill of his fingers but it relieved nothing. The pain ate at the sensation as if it were threatening to fight the heat.

She stared at him with such fire in her eyes. His angelic face, something about it told her she would survive this if only for him. _I need him…More than anything else, I love him…_She knew this with the whole of her mind. She would endure.

Carlisle wanted to warn her that it would only get worse before it got better, but he also wanted her to know it would end soon enough. He hated himself for taking another life no matter how close to death.

Carlisle's thoughts were focused on the woman. I whimpered at the next wave of pain in her body. Bones shifted and began to mend. She thought they were breaking again. Cracks issued from her healing frame as bones clicked into place. I tried so hard to hide my suffering, to be strong but of course he heard my slip up.

_Edward?_

"I'm still here Carlisle," I whispered sure he would hear. I masked my current pain as best I could but he knew me too well.

_Edward_, his mind flickered. _ What's going on… Are you alright?_

"Partially," I grimaced at the new wave of images. She was remembering everything. On top of the pain I was sucked under again. I barely heard Carlisle anymore.

_Edward? Edward!_

_The doctor entered the room. "I'm so sorry Esme. He didn't make it." Pain gripped her in ways she had never experienced. Her baby, gone without a chance for life. Esme was so attached to that small life, her need to be a mother and the loss of her child consumed her. The memory ended in deep plummeting sorrow._

"Edward! Edward!" Carlisle was crouched in front of me, hands on my shoulders. I took a deep breath and looked up. _What's happening?_

"I can't get her out of my head. I see… I feel everything." Pain lined my words. Why must I suffer the turning twice.

"Go. Leave and get as far from here as you need to–"

"Esme needs you… I'll be fine… Go." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_Esme…Esme. What a beautiful name… I'm sorry you must suffer this again. I would wish this on no one._

He was always too kind. I couldn't leave though. I barely made it to the door I didn't know how far I would have to go to be rid of her presence. Her mind was strong and if the distance was anything like how far I must be from Carlisle I would never be able to escape her pain.

I looked up again but Carlisle was gone. All that remained before me was the piano Carlisle had bought with the cottage.

The day dragged on as I faded in and out of her memories unable to control what I was seeing. Her mental force was overwhelming. The heat, the pain, the memories. Her mental agonies beat upon me.

Carlisle sat with flickering worry and stiff control. He didn't understand what was happening. He had never encountered someone with my range of ability so he didn't know how to help me. The only thoughts I was able to catch from Carlisle ranged from dejected bouts of self hatred to drifting thoughts about someone named Aro. He didn't understand and that worried him.

Esme's conscience was worse. Drowning in an agony that I remembered all to well, she relived every painful memory over and over again. Her screams went unheard by human ears in civilization so far away but they frequently pierced the air.

Night drifted in through the windows. I would close my eyes and daylight would take its place. Her memories held me under for hours at a time. No escape seemed probable. Not for three long days. I was her prisoner and she didn't even know I existed.

The final day grew more painful and violent. A storm waged outside and the crash of thunder would be followed by lightning minutes later. So far from the center of the storm the rain still poured with the fury of the heavens. I didn't notice the start of the storm I just became aware of it in one of the few moments within my self.

Night drifted in. A crash of thunder rocked the house drowning out Esme's screams. A flash of lightning and I was gone from the cottage.

Thrown into another memory the pain dulled to a low pulsing hum that made my mind tremble. Soft piano keys sung to the room. The music flowed swiftly to encircle the young woman lounging on the sofa. I didn't recognize the tune but it numbed all sensation. I listened to the melody but the odd breaks suggested the artist was mingling songs. Esme was contented to listen though in her mind no music played. She couldn't remember the song from the memory.

I realized I had inserted the music into her memories. Only I could hear it. The melodies blended the more I thought about it. Inspired I stood shakily. _We_ were not supposed to quake and quiver. The piano was close to the bed room wall.

Traversing the room with care, I sat on the bench. The music in my head multiplied and became more complex as I added impossible frames. I started off simply. My hands drifted along the keys playing a soft repetitive sequence in varying cords. The melody was calm and sorrowful. I built on the tune until I was playing too many keys for any human composer to touch.

Esme's mind released mine. I was suddenly free to think for my self. Carlisle's mind remained as usual but I thought only about the music and ignored his thoughts.

"Edward?"

I glided into the next verse with the ease of a few low notes. A more melancholy rhythm balanced a quick paced beat. I heard every note in my mind as the piano echoed my thoughts. Nothing else made a sound. No screams pierced the air. No agonies attacked me. The rain mingled with the melody like a soft back ground instrument.

I tried to reach out to her again. See what the touch of her mind was like without the excessive force. She listened to the music. Calmly she endured the pain as if I could convey all my knowledge and sympathies through the keys of the piano. I knew now that she needed the music to help dull the pain.

Carlisle walked over to the piano and listened to the song. I closed my eyes and swayed with the music. I drifted through the next frames of the song. I let her memories guide the mood of the refrain. Sometimes it shifted rapidly from happy to sad and back again.

"Edward," Carlisle ventured. _What are you doing?_ His curiosity got the better of him.

"I can't help it… I'm not trapped in her mind anymore… It just comes to me… She likes it," I told him.

"What do you mean," he stared at me. _I don't understand any of this at all…Esme's quiet and she seems better off, so I should be grateful._

"Esme likes to listen to the piano… This is her song… Well I'm playing what she feels…"

"What is she thinking now," Carlisle whispered as the melody dove into a lull of sad notes.

"Her father died when she was young… She remembers his pain and suffering… Standing beside the bed as he took his last breath…"

"Really…" His sorrow echoed the music.

I jumped keys but the pause was non-existent. A pulsing sound issued from the instrument before me. "You know she fears death now… Not when she jumped off the cliff… She wanted death so badly then… You gave her something to live for…"

_I love her, Edward._

"I know you do Carlisle." I opened my eyes to look at him and smile. "I think I will love her too."

He smiled. _Thank you, for everything._

"It's almost over. Go be with her when it ends."

He nodded and left. I kept the melody even as the pain accelerated. A few notes of relief as the heat began chasing her heart.

_My fingers are cold…_Her grief remained her own as she clutched at her chest. _My heart is going to explode…_

Carlisle went back to grip her hand. Tenderly he ran his pale hands over her skin, tracing the heat up her arm. "Am I going to die?"

At first Carlisle was startled at her gasping, pain infused question.

"No," he whispered.

"I won't leave you," she replied. "I promise." I felt the heat grip her heart completely and my fingers stopped over the keys cutting short the escalating power issuing from the piano. One last desperate beat and her heart stopped. I paused waiting to hear her thoughts.

It felt like eternity before she nearly crushed Carlisle's hand in a vicious grip and the newborn's feral nature took over. She looked at him with bloody eyes and took deep quick breaths. Every breath pulled in something she never noticed before.

She felt for the wounds she thought she had sustained. Carlisle just stared at her. Their love exploded in unison. Esme jumped on Carlisle and nearly broke every rib he had. She sat on his chest and played with his hair. "Esme relax, you are stronger than you think," he teased, fighting for his breath.

"What is your name, love," she sounded so far from the human Esme. Her voice mingled with the beast living inside her. The human blood and the new senses made her no more than an excited child.

"Carlisle," he replied.

"Carlisle" she grinned slyly. "Carlisle," she played with it for away awed by her new voice. It was odd to few their affection is such an intimate manner. They were so absorbed in each other that they paid me no attention.

I walked out into the rain. They needed their privacy and I know Carlisle wouldn't miss me. I ran. Pure enjoyment consumed me. I was alone. Glorious silence. I wasn't listening to anyone else's thoughts. I sprinted through the drops as they seemed to pause in mid fall.

I looked back to see my trail through the floating water. Then I returned to my venture. My white shirt clung to my skin, saturated with the rain.

I didn't know where I was running but everything seemed familiar. I stopped abruptly at the sheer face of a cliff. I ground below was washed clean but I knew where I was, what had happened here.

_Esme's cliff._ The bottom promised death and guaranteed the end. It could claim a life, but not hers. I looked to the sky, spread my arms and jumped off backwards. The sky remained before me.

Truly plummeting now I felt the weightless sensation from her memories. The rain drifted up as I glided gracefully down.

Thunder struck and the lightning lit the ground below. It was so close, right there. But it offered nothing for me. I twisted and struck the ground on two feet. Crouched before more forest, I smiled.

Esme's fall should have led to her death. But instead it led her to Carlisle. He waited centuries for her to jump to her death. Would I ever find anyone that way? Whose fortunate fall would bring me eternal love and happiness?

I stood and laughed.


	4. Strong Emotions

Thank you so much for the reviews. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside ^_^

Disclaimer: I own none of these amazing characters but the plot is mine, all mine.

No I'm not insane, though many would say that I can be.(Darien, you lost your dedication when you didn't respond to the email)

Again I owe this chapter to Liz. I didn't want to write a filler chapter that only built a relationship, even though it is important, between the main characters. I think I did okay. Let me know what you think (I'm not above begging for reviews)

To LilStrawberriBananaMasochist, yes I plan on writing up to Bella but I'm not sure I if I'll be able to fit it in around all the crap that my teachers decide to give me to make me a better student. Who said senior year was a piece of cake?

Something I would like you to keep in mind, this is newborn Esme, however she might differ for canon (how little there is of her), remember that she will develop into the sweet loving mother of the Cullen kids.

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I stepped through the front door with silent steps. The room was empty. Not a voice sounded but I heard everything. I took the stairs leading up to the next floor.

The slow nightfall set fire to the window's edges. The yellow orange flames framed two perfect beings. Embraced in unbound affection, Carlisle and Esme stood glittering in the sun's final rays. Their minds blazed with passion. Neither watched the sunset nor did they notice my presence. Eyes locked, they stood forehead to forehead.

If I didn't interrupt I wouldn't have been able to run fast enough to escape their coming actions. I cleared my throat meaningfully. Such a pointless human gesture seeing that nothing could possibly be caught in my throat. I might as well have coughed, sneezed, or yawned; the action was so meaningless. And yet it served my purpose.

_Edward!_ Carlisle turned. He looked at me with surprise and embarrassment, like a teenager getting caught by his parents with the girl next door.

"Carlisle," a soft voice annunciated. Esme's eyes fluttered to meet mine. With molten fire, she gazed at me. They reminded me of my own golden eyes which seemed so out of place now. The hue was unique to her though, something I had never seen before in Carlisle's or even my eyes. The blood red could have been cut out from the sunset behind them, like it was the missing color of a perfect rainbow.

I shifted my gaze to Carlisle. He looked at me apologetically. His dark red eyes contained only hints at their usual hue. I remembered that color twice before. Memories returned of my turning, of gazing into those unnaturally perfect eyes, and finally of Esme's first night when Carlisle had found me in my trance. I had ignored the color at the time due to my preoccupation with Esme's thoughts. Now it was blatantly clear he was satisfied, deep inside, his beast was sated.

I felt out of place in more ways than one. Both were deeply in love as if their whole existence culminated at this one moment together. And they were both gorged on human blood. Carlisle wouldn't admit he had enjoyed the experience, the sweet taste flowing into him. He denied his pleasure now but I was with him in that moment, I knew what he was feeling as he bit down. He couldn't lie to me. Esme had few spare thoughts which she did not devote to Carlisle and those pondered the nature of her hunger.

All Esme needed was guidance from Carlisle and her instinct would take over. "Who is he?" Esme walked up to me, her petite form enhanced her graceful movements as she circled me. Her assessments were of two natures. _He isn't food._ The first made me laugh lightly, her first impression was such a predator's sense. _He is like Carlisle though, like me._

Carlisle sighed. "This is Edward, my –"

"Brother," I inserted. He stared at me with questioning eyes and a puzzled expression at the new title. I felt that I had out grown his parental guidance, proven myself worthy and able to exist outside his perfect circle.

Esme seemed pleased at my removed relationship with Carlisle. _He isn't competition_, came her next assessment. Her defenses lowered as she accepted the order of things. I smiled as if to ensure her that Carlisle's affections would not be split between us. "Edward is a beautiful name," she whispered. I felt her embrace me as part of the family. We weren't really related but it worked for all intents and purposes.

The awkward moment kept Carlisle silent but Esme was more lively. Hugging me fiercely she remembered not to brake me in half. "My name is –"

"Esme," I said quietly looking at the top of her head. It startled her that I knew her name before she could give it. She stepped away from me. _He knows me somehow_. She quickly brushed her confusion aside assuming Carlisle had told me her name.

"Yes, Carlisle found me –"

"In the morgue, you were half dead. No one thought you would survive seeing as you threw yourself off a cliff… Your heart was barely beating and they didn't see any possible way for you to survive… You jumped… Because your son died," I provided. _No need to hear the tale when I nearly lived through the horror myself._

This took her aback. She didn't think Carlisle knew that much about her past. At least he hadn't said anything to her about it. Esme glanced in his direction to see the pain and sorrow on Carlisle's face. _He didn't know about the baby._ "How do you know this?" Her curiosity spiked. _Was he watching my every move when I… when I was human?_

"Edward can read minds, Esme," Carlisle informed her gently. He took her into his arms again. He held her like I had held Elizabeth right before… _Drop it!_ They both watched me, one with calm eyes and the other with compassionate interest.

"Really," she squeaked with fascination. "What am I thinking right now?"

"Well, if you don't mind… I'd rather not say." She would have blushed, but that was just another human action that no longer could function in this life. Instead she just shied into Carlisle's arm. "But if you would rather something else then I will tell you this. I remember your sorrow at the words of the doctor. The beautiful cliff you found to end your life. I _remember_ falling so far, so slowly, to the end. I remember the pain that wouldn't bring death no matter how much we wanted it. And the first time you saw Carlisle, you knew he was worth living for. I still hear the music in my head that eased the torturous pain even as I tapped the keys of the piano. I remember…" Everything spilled out in an uncontrollable string. I stopped as her eyes widened.

Unable to cry, Esme's eyes brimmed with emotions, each like a memory. They would never leave her eyes but inside she cried them happily. "That was you playing the music?" she pulled away from Carlisle to stand closer to me. "You knew what I felt even when it caused you such pain?"

"I was pulled in by your…" _Overpowering mind._ "pain. I didn't…" _have a choice_ "want you to be alone." Lying was suddenly natural, like I couldn't hurt her. There was no reason to tell her I suffered because of her. "The memory of the piano –"

"Had no music. It was like I couldn't remember what song was playing," she interrupted.

"Well, no, it didn't. But it did inspire my symphony. You seemed to like it at the time," I smiled to myself.

"Thank you," _thank you, thank you, thank you._ "I thought I was going to die.  
You don't know how much you helped me."

"I guess I don't, but your appreciation is clear. It was my pleasure to help you in your time of need. Call it repaying a favor if you will," I replied.

"And what favor did I do for you to deserve such a gift in return?" She looked doubtful that I had only repaid a debt.

"Carlisle helped me in a similar way when I was turning." She looked at Carlisle. He stared at me with compassion in his eyes. "Yes, I went through that as well… but Carlisle took my hand and the pain faded. I'm not sure but I think it allowed me to see into his mind. I couldn't read minds as a human but I must have been keen on guessing what people thought. I don't remember my life that well anymore. I must have used his mind as an escape route from the pain." I hadn't told Carlisle this much before because I only began to understand it after Esme's ordeal. "I paid him back by helping you."

"Thank you, Edward," Carlisle whispered. I nodded to him. _Are you all right?_

I nodded to him again. I knew what he referenced. He was grateful that I lied to Esme about why I endured a second turning, instead of damaging her fragile state. I was emphatic in ensuring him that I was fine. The pain and powerlessness had passed, and I felt whole again.

_Where did you go… After Esme's was finished turning?_

I waved away the question for a later time then turned the movement into a suggestion. "Would you like to hear the piece again?"

"Yes. I would like that very much Edward," Esme declared keeping to our mock formality.

I led the way to the large black piano. Carlisle and Esme stood beside the bench as I lifted the cover from the keys. The ivory settled beneath my fingers with ease. An icy chill had settled over them in my absence but now they would warm again with the fever of my playing. I began with the rhythmic pattern and then flowed steadily into the more complicated frames. So many keys vibrated at once to produce a strong tune without audible pause. I ended it with the same triumphant notes that led Esme through the torment. It cut off abruptly with the climaxing notes. I turned to my audience, with a pleased smile.

Esme clapped ecstatically and Carlisle kissed her on the cheek. The affection wasn't without passion but it displayed his deep and never ending love for the woman before him. He smiled at me. "It's beautiful, Edward."

Esme nodded. "I think I liked it better the second time I heard it," she said thoughtfully. _There was no pain involved this time…It is very beautiful_.

"You are welcome, when ever you wish to hear it I will be obliged to play it for you," I promised.

"That is very generous of you," Esme declared. _I feel so hungry my stomach should be complaining with thunderous out bursts_.

"What do you say to having a meal, Carlisle," I asked for her.

"You read my mind, Edward. Yes, Carlisle I feel ravished. What is there to eat around here?"

Carlisle's eyes darkened. _I can not show her Edward. Will you help her?_

"Why can't you," I asked ignoring Esme's glances at me then at Carlisle.

_You know very well why I can't… now will you do this for me?_

"Why can't you," I repeated.

_Damn it Edward… _He sighed. _Because I have had all I can take for a while…I'm full. Now will you help her?_

"Yes," I whispered. Esme stared at us, anger was an unknown emotion for her. She knew she was being left out of a conversation, and a heated one at that. She didn't mind much but concern crossed her mind at the few harsh words she was hearing. The apprehension was for both of us. _Carlisle couldn't even do that when we were both in need_. "Esme, would you like to find a meal with me?" I held out my hand.

"Why yes, I would. Lead the way," she said looking back a Carlisle. She took his hand and pulled him along as she took mine. I opened the front door and stepped out into the fading light. The sun peeked over the trees like an moving oil painting. The sky burned as if the color leaked from the glowing orange orb and drenched the clouds in bright red fire. I closed my eyes and felt the sun warm the white shirt I was wearing. Running had dried it mostly but the chill water was now completely expelled from the fabric. I stepped forward and released her hand.

Esme's thoughts invaded the inside of my eyelids with her vision. I stood before her facing the sun. The wind ruffled my hair and the bronze stood out against the fiery sky. Light shot off my exposed skin. The white cotton shirt fluttered lightly around my form. I turned to face her and my golden eyes still held the sun's light. "Try to keep up," I whispered.

I ran hard and fast. Newborn strength gone I wasn't as fast as I used to be but Carlisle wouldn't be able to keep up. Esme, however, danced beside me in a playful jog. "Can you keep up, Edward?" She began to sprint forward with delicate speed. The ground didn't rumble at her steps but the trees shivered in her passage.

"Esme," I called lightly. I didn't raise my voice above the volume we had used at the house, but within a second she was by my side again. I nodded backwards as I slowed my own run. She glanced back at Carlisle. A smile lit his face. His children were playing well together, and he didn't have to show Esme the monster he could be.

_Why doesn't he run with us?_ She tilted her head in confusion.

"He likes watching us run," I replied.

She turned suddenly but still gracefully. The leaves shuddered at her flight. I slid to a stop and turned to watch. Esme threw herself at Carlisle before he had time to slow down. A thunderous crack issued from the collision. Carlisle hit the ground narrowly missing an old oak. Esme landed onto of him with feral ease. Carlisle held her where she was and levered himself on one elbow. He kissed her deeply. It was so like their first embrace that I contemplated running again.

I would never have gotten far enough away, fast enough not to have heard their every thought. I cleared my throat to avoid any further thoughts in that direction. Carlisle pulled away as Esme stood. With agile ease she pulled the centuries old Carlisle to his feet. She dragged her love along until they were in front of me. I shook my head and laughed. Carlisle looked apologetic but Esme seemed smug at my reaction.

Her bare feet sank in the mud. Grass and dirt clung to repaired skin as she stepped toward me. Carlisle pictured them broken and fractured, blood cling where earth now did. I shook my head of his sad memories.

She took both our hands again and proceeded at a light pace deeper into the woods. I new she could smell a pack of wolves ahead, just as easily as Carlisle and I did. _She should start with something smaller… Wolves are dangerous…_

I laughed so hard my side should have cramped and I should have fallen over to curl upon myself. "Dan-ger-ous," I chortled. Where was his sense? Nothing could hurt us except, well, us. "She knows what she is doing… clearly." His fear was pointless but he meant well.

"You can stop your private conversations, boys. Let me see if I have this right," Esme said as she stopped at the edge of a clearing. The wolves turned to stare at us. Growls grew in their throats but spilled from their lips as weak whimpers. We didn't smell like food, nor like something they could drive off. The fear in their intelligent eyes divulged their knowledge of us as predators. Not one moved as we gazed at the pack. "A late supper seems appropriate," Esme whispered, no longer able to contain herself.

The sudden noise brought chaos to the clearing. The blood drenched sky foreshadowed the slaughter below. Esme latched on to two of the largest male wolves and snapped one's neck. The savage act was followed by a howl from her other captive wolf as she buried her face amongst its fur. The blood called to her so fiercely that she knew exactly where to bite. Then again… Didn't we all know deep down inside where the blood pumped the strongest against the skin.

She finished it quickly and dropped the body at her feet. Her quick tongue licked her lips as she pulled a piece of fur from her mouth. With delicate precision she had kept any blood from staining her cloths. Carlisle had loaned her a shirt that easily covered her petite form. It was light charcoal. Below that she wore a loose skirt. I was unsure of its origins. I remembered the bloody cloths she was wearing when Carlisle had brought her to the cottage.

"Well, it is very rude to leave a lady to eat by herself so… You boys will join me." It wasn't a request.

I looked at Carlisle. _Go ahead. I'll wait here._ I shook my head as I ran after the pulsing heart in the woods. I returned seconds later with a squirming wolf in hand. He was fairly large but no where near as large as Esme's. She picked up the dead wolf and prepared to drink.

"Would you prefer another live one," I offered. She looked at me with curious eyes before nodding.

"How kind of you," she replied. I handed her the squirming animal.

"Your first meal should be as good as we can possibly make it," I said taking the limp creature before me. Carlisle frowned at my antics. He didn't like that I encouraged her to enjoy the pleasure found in the kill. I, however, didn't mind letting her enjoy the feast. I could feel the pumping heart as she bit into the creature's neck. I followed suit, careful not to spill any on my shirt. I listened with her as the pulsing slowed and imagined it was my own meal's heart slowing under my hand. A startling effect was that I could actually feel the beating heart beneath my fingers even though it was truly Esme's hand. We finished and dropped the bodies in a pile for the scavengers to feed on.

Both of us appeared the pristine killer. Not a drop was wasted on the ground or our cloths. She was all but hungry for more. The newborn nature made her want to feed on anything she could, but I looked into her eyes. A pure drop of honey had been added to that dazzling color, it was lighter now and drifting steadily toward the butterscotch this diet created. She flashed her clean white teeth in an endearing smile and danced back to Carlisle.

His eyes were just as bloody. I thought maybe he had his fill of blood for the week and couldn't stand to take another drink. He already hated killing so why do it more then he had too? Then another thought, a jealous thought, crossed my mind. He didn't want to taint the taste of her blood. The sweet nectar he would never again drink rang pure in his memory and in his throat he could still taste it.

I smiled at him too. "Your welcome," I mouthed.

_Thanks_. He muttered in his mind before hugging Esme, now slightly warmer from her meal.

We went back to the cottage to trade stories and show Esme the lighter side of this life. Esme was special. Her mind could be very…difficult to understand. Past her overwhelming emotions, Esme was a thoughtful woman. She had opinions and ideas. Her passion would guide her in this new life.


	5. Taking Lives

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Sorry it has taken me forever to post another chapter but I had a ten page paper and finals to attend to. I was also struck by the sudden desire to write Harry Potter and couldn't think of anything until that was out of my system. If you like HP check it out, I've posted it under consumed.

Anyway this one if for Ashley for punching me at lunch every other day to finish it up.

To Padawan Jan-AQ and LilStrawberriBananaMasochist: I plan on writing as much as I can or until the ideas fail. I will work in your requests when I have some crazy idea for them.

My next chapters may take awhile because I need to get angsty and I have about two projects, another essay, chemistry, sailing, my work at the hospital, and the basic everyday shit. So you get the picture.

Enjoy and review.

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The humans stiffened as we walked by. Their eyes followed us in the snow clouded air with unrestrained attention. Curiosity perforated their minds though they kept their faces blank in perfect disinterest. Esme clung to my arm in a violently protective grip. She was acutely aware of the eyes of her would be prey bearing down on her. Her mind echoed my thirst and screamed her fear at me. It was not fear for the humans or even for herself but instead for Carlisle and for me. Esme feared what had happened would harm her family and her maternal instinct couldn't accept that.

_Oh Edward! We shouldn't have… How could this happen… What will Carlisle think of us…of me?_

"We did nothing wrong, it was but our nature to act as we did," I replied. Our near silent communications alerted no one to our conversation.

_But we are older… Control has never been a problem until now… What will he say? What will he think?_ An inaudible sob escaped her thoughts but her face remained immobile. Her supernatural eyes flickered to catch mine and hold them with her questions. The metallic red may have been hers but it may just as well been a reflection of mine. I knew she saw the tainted hue because her mind flared to life with the images of the golden butterscotch and amber charcoal that so often smiled back at her.

"He loves you more than anything in his many centuries. Don't pretend he will be angry with you or me for one minute… Forgiveness is all he knows," I reminded her pulling my eyes away from her invasive stare. "Control is difficult to master even when you have had many years of practice. Even I have trouble accepting our…_diet_ and controlling my thirst. Carlisle doesn't count." I shook my head at her expression. Her beauty still betrayed her innocence. More than once I mistook her petite frame and angelic smile as the horror that a killer's grace could be. But Esme was unique and still very young. Seven years had not prepared her for the first taste. It drove her back to those few blood thirsty years when she knew so little. I was both blessed and cursed for learning of it so early. It created a horrifying need and yet did nothing to change the state I was in. For a moment I almost believed she was naïve again, almost. "Carlisle's control is like my ability. It is uniquely part of him and no other can do it but him. That's what makes him even more extraordinary. He went centuries without faltering… It is as much his ability as compassion is yours."

_My compassion is not an ability from turning_, Esme scowled. _To compare it to your ability it is but an emotion and a weakness_. She had drifted off topic and her fear evaporated beneath the heat of her selfless love. She plowed on toward the hospital, thoughts adrift about what it would be like to read minds.

I stopped walking and if her newborn strength had returned with her flashback to the days of torturous thirst she might have ripped my arm off. But now we were equals. An immovable object and an unstoppable force. Esme stopped a half step a head of me to save our arms being yanked from our bodies. The humans merely noticed that we had both stopped almost simultaneously. The interest that was fading began to return as the old men looked up from their seats in coffee shops and the passersby ignored their dogs' eager pull to be away from something so unnatural.

_What?_ She turned back, lips parted to release the air she held deep in her chest. It should have clouded the air worse than the snow gripping her hair, but it didn't. She caught my eyes again and the lustrous red dared me to do what my mind ached to do.

"Your compassion is no less extraordinary than my ability to read minds and Carlisle's control." She shook her head rather violently until the snow fluttered out of it to join the falling flakes. A human might think his mind playing tricks on him with the speed of her movements. "It makes you who you are… It is why Carlisle loves you… It is why I care for you more than any woman I have ever known."

_Edward_. She leapt up and kissed me on the cheek. It was not a lover's kiss but a sister's kiss to her doting brother. But I felt it strike a deeper cord than that. It reminded me of my blurry human life and someone who used to kiss me that way. But those memories had failed as if the pencil in which they were drawn had become smudged irreparably.

Her hair bounced around her face and once again the hunter's grin returned to add to her striking beauty. How could she be perfect in complete serenity and yet hold an ever more true beauty crouched over those burly men? I leaned in to kiss Esme on the forehead and wrap my arm around her shoulder. She leaned into my side and returned the embrace with her pearly hand around my waist.

Never have I met anyone to compare to her.

The small town hospital was only a block away but it seemed forever at our human pace. Moving in slow motion made us appear natural and yet something entirely too graceful to be mortal. Neither Esme nor I wished to rush for we dreaded what would happen next.

We drifted in front of the crude brick building that breathed sterile, sick breath from the solid door of wood. The rotten smell that preludes death gripped this place through silently and seemingly dormant. The walls were pulsing with the many hearts held within; some thrummed unevenly and others with a healthy vigor.

We brushed the snow from a bench across the street barely able to maintain our distance from the enticing smell. We sat listening to the murmuring of voices waiting for Carlisle to notice us.

Twice Esme flinched as a heart started racing with excitement. Her nails would dig into my skin almost to the point of drawing blood. I sat silently listening to Carlisle's ever present thoughts. Ten years had familiarized me to them. His objective view had kept me sober this long because I knew how much he cared and what it would mean to him if I faltered. If I was heartless I would say that I was glad Esme broke first because then my break didn't look so horrific. But I cared too much and I knew what all of this meant. Sorrow gripped me, reminding me of the pain to come.

"Edward," Esme whispered across the stagnant air and indifferent snow. It was the first word she had spoken in a while. Her thoughts had returned to a memory of faces and I was sucked into the images. It reminded me so much of her turning seven years ago that for a moment her screams ripped through my head with perfect clarity. "Edward."

I blinked away the visions and looked back at her concerned face. A deep useless breath of air whistled into my long empty lungs as I moved to reply. Her scarlet eyes whipped away and I knew we had been found. Esme's head turned back and pleaded a tearless cry. She cast down the token of her shame so that Carlisle would not notice. He approached at a human pace with joy in his step. I stared at his smile with my tainted vision and remembered his forgiveness so quickly given. It was only when the smile sank did I realize I didn't want that forgiveness. I wanted an excuse. My tainted eyes glared unrepentant into his divine golden. Understanding over took the joy in a sudden battle within Carlisle's mind. His thoughts ran wild though his head with scenarios of how this could happen. They made me want to chuckle.

He approached the bench with a hard stare and lifted Esme's chin to gaze into the furnace. She mouthed I'm sorry and took his hand. I shuddered at his instantaneous desire to pull her to him. My glare became ever harsher because I knew he had already forgiven anything we could have done wrong.

_This is my _Esme, _I love her_. The thoughts echoed in his head as he pulled her into an embrace while murmuring that everything would be all right. _How could this happen?_

"Wait here," Carlisle said softly. He proceeded back into the hospital to tell them he was leaving early. I stared at his back with a venomous glare. I didn't know why I wanted to hate him so much. The nurse's mind went dull under Carlisle's influence and asked no questions. He returned quickly and led us to the edge of town wear we no longer had to pretend. If I had wished I could have arrived home before the other two even came close but I didn't want to leave Esme to take the blame.

Our most recent cottage was masked by the waves of snow but nothing deterred us. Minds racing, we all entered at a thunderous pace. The room fluttered in the wind as we stopped inside the door. "Esme, what happened," Carlisle whispered. His hands held her face and his eyes held hers. Obscenely impossible scenes developed in his mind and I couldn't help but chuckle viciously. The monster inside me saw its chance to break free of my carefully constructed bonds. I had strengthened it with the blood of men.

"Do you honestly believe those outrageous excuses you have fabricated within that deranged mind of yours Carlisle?" Something inside me snapped. My sanity ran through my fingers as I tried to remain whole. "Nothing could sneak up on us, nothing could find us. A blizzard thunders around us and these are your ideas. Ha! There is nothing wrong with what we did. It happened because we made it happen."

"What are you saying?"

_Do it now! Dash all his hopes and break free of this life you never wanted_. "We couldn't take it anymore… This… This life will destroy us. I don't have your control and neither does Esme. It was inevitable and you know it." The molten red within my eyes spread with uncontrollable fury, consuming my mind with anger. I drank in the fire with unabashed pleasure.

"Please, Edward," Esme begged. It was the only thing that could stop my rage. Her voice that has so often captivated my mind in even our darkest moments, called now to me in my ecstasy. I stepped back with sudden control. Carlisle was gaping at me with incredulous thoughts but his forgiveness remained strong.

"We came across a group of hunters. They had been caught in the blizzard a good twenty miles north. The snow was heavier there and the visibility was only a few inches," I began. "There had to be a dozen men, all of decent health."

"If the one hadn't started coughing blood we probably wouldn't have paid them much attention," Esme inserted.

"Speak for yourself because I was not about to walk away from that. Their blood was freezing in their veins. Damn it! They were dying already we just made use of their deaths."

Air filled my lungs at arbitrary intervals like broken bellows feeding a thriving fire. "Edward, everything is alright there is nothing to be sorry for. I'm sure your intentions were noble," Carlisle soothed.

I laughed, short and quick. "There was nothing noble about what I did, because you gave me a moral standard I didn't want. You are too right Carlisle. I wish I could feel sorrow right now. This is nothing like Elizabeth. Your forgiveness isn't wanted. My heart pains over this but not for your reasons. Esme truly wishes this never happened, that she never took those lives. I do ache fiercely but I do not regret one drop. My only sorrows are only that they might have been good men, and another feast like that won't come along again any time soon."

"I shouldn't have expected you to follow my standard. I'm sorry for any harm I have caused you Edward."

"You should have let me die ten years ago. Carlisle, you knew what this life offered…" This statement hurt him more than anything I could have said. It was an evil tactic but I was a monster and wasn't hurting Carlisle my intention?

"I never regretted saving you."

I looked away from his eyes. I felt Esme move toward me and take my hand. Her small form hugged me gently but I returned none of her affection. I couldn't leave them if I started showing my feelings now. I was the beast inside of me and it showed no mercy to my family. "I can't do this anymore."

"Don't say that," she whispered. Her face peered up at mine with mirror eyes.

"I can't." She would win me over if I let her.

"No."

"Esme." I pushed her away. I held her at arms length and looked to the door.

"I _know_ you care. Edward, you love me, and you _love _Carlisle. You aren't going anywhere." Her demand was forceful and I felt her compassion try to restrain me, as if its mere presence erased the day's events. It tried to kill the monster with in me but Carlisle intervened.

"Let him go, Esme," Carlisle pulled her away from me. The monster in me flared into life but only because that was the part of me that wished she would come where the rest of me knew she wouldn't go. Esme would follow Carlisle to the end of the world. I had no hope to find anyone who would love me with such intensity.

I had to leave, to be alone. I turned to disappear with the speed that cut goodbyes short.

"Edward, be happy," Esme shook in Carlisle's arm. The monster staggered.

"You will always be my son, Edward and you are always welcome with us," Carlisle nodded his acceptance. I didn't look back at them once, but instead let the wind pull at my shirt as I raced for the trees. The familiar thoughts faded quickly as I trailed through the snow. The air pulsed with silence and every snow flake rippled in my ears. I could find it if I ran fast enough.

A strong scent drifted across the clearing in the gusts of wind. Esme's memories blazed strong before my eyes, painting a new picture across the field. Bodies stained the snow with rich color. The barren trees quivered in the wind, whistling their sorrows. I stood over them, death among the dead. The blood at my feet melted the snow and ran in bright rivulets down the drift. I remembered her smile at the first taste and mine at her appreciation. The moment was ours and I embraced its nature.

The seen faded and I was again searching the gray landscape hidden from the sun's eager rays. The perfect seclusion for murder.


End file.
